Buyer Beware

When looking a buying a horse you come across lots of common used words and phrases that can mask a multitiude of sins, have a look through see if you recognise any of these!

Big Trot ~ Can`t canter within a 2 mile straight away
Nicely Started ~ lunges, but we don`t have enough insurance to ride him yet
Top Show Horse ~ won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane
Home Bred ~ knows nothing except being raised on the front porch
Recently Vetted ~ someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
Big Boned ~ good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
Doing Courses ~ when tranquilized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand
Well Mannered ~ hasn`t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
Professionally Trained ~ hasn`t stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
Should Mature 16 hands ~ currently 13h, dam is 14.2h, sire is 15h, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA and grow
To Good Home Only ~ not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
Bold ~ runaway
Athletic ~ runaway
Needs intermediate Rider ~ runaway
Needs Experienced Rider ~ "dead" runaway
Dead Quiet ~ just dead
Started O/F ~ started overfeeding because we can`t ride
No Vices ~ especially when he wears his muzzle
Light Cribber ~ we can`t afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw
No Time For Him ~ he`s lucky to be fed
Excellent Disposition ~ never been out of his stall
Clips, hauls, and Loads ~ Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
Good Broodmare prospect ~ not even a chance she`s rideable
Daughter outgrown ~ she`s into boys now
Good Dressage prospect ~ we tried him in the hunters and he`s a complete maniac over fences
"Hey cowboys, here`s one for you" ~ only if you`re into bucking stock
Big circle horse ~ can`t turn in 240 acres
great stops ~ slams those shoulders and launches rider every time!
easy to catch ~ in a 10 X 10 stall
easy to load ~ only takes 3 hours, 4 men and a tractor with loader
rides good ~ not rideable, but rides the trailer good.
gentle ~ to other horses... he tore out 3 inches of my hair, kicked the kid and chased mother all the way ross the pasture.
smooth ~ mouthed that is... his gaits are enough to make you smooth mouthed too... rattle your teeth loose!
Spirited ~ Loves to run all out all the time.
Good mother ~ Awful at everything else.
Protective mother. ~ Don`t even think about getting near that baby until weaning time.
Easy breeder ~ A stallion that will mount anything that moves.
Has beautiful babies ~ good, because she`s plug ugly herself.
Pasture horse ~ He`ll kick a new door in your stall to get out.
Spectacularly marked ~ Horrible conformation, pretty spots.
Used to race ~ Still does, unless firmly tied to a tree.
Owner getting out of the business ~ Owner is tired of dealing with this ignorant monster.
Works well off his rear." Because the front is usually off the ground.
Must sell due to financial situation.. ~ horse is costing me a fortune in bute and supplements.
Puppy dog temperament ~ has no manners, but is cute, so it`s ok.
Always in the ribbons ~ 10th place....out of 10 riders.
Goes in a snaffle ~ ...like a bat out of hell.
Scoopey ~ has jumped out of every paddock we own.
Wonderful Halter prospect ~ bred for beauty...not brains
"Ladies horse"- Calm around women but hates men and tries to kill them! (I`m lucky enough to have one of those)